Another year...

My birthday is coming up pretty soon and as usual I am feeling uneasy about it. I'm trying to figure out where the discomfort is coming from. Do I feel like crap because I'm not where I imagined myself to be or just plain sad about getting old. I'm not really thinking about babies, although this should be a concern I suppose. Maybe it's a question of, am I growing? Am I wiser? Am I better? If I could honestly say that I was, then maybe I wouldn't feel so crappy. I don't know. I'm not really sure. God knows I want to be a better person. I want to do better at my job, work on relationships, share more. So am I better? Perhaps I am. For one thing I am not such a reactive person anymore. I try my best at least. When I think back at my younger self it makes me cringe.