Messy emotions

It feels so good to be able to write again and pour my thoughts into written words. The past two and a half months have been very challenging for my family. My mom was confined in the hospital for Pneumonia and she was there for more than 6 weeks. Each day in the hospital was intense, stressful and nerve wracking. I can't think of a more difficult time in recent years. It was a horrible feeling to watch my mom in pain. Well she's back in the house now but it is still quite a challenging time for us to continue nursing her back to health. My dad likes to pride himself on his bedside doctor abilities but my mom's midwife actually left the job yesterday after he threw such a mad fit last night. I don't want to clutter my blog with details on my dad's bipolar tendencies but suffice to say, it has made things extra difficult. Since I was a child I've had an aversion for messy emotions. I hate crying and screaming fits because it takes so much away from you and accomplishes nothing. It is also weak in my eyes to lose so much control. This is how I was when I was younger, unfortunately I did go through a phase where I was emotional and irrational. That was several years back and I still cringe at the memory. Now I am back to the previous aversion I had for it. When I hear my dad screaming and just generally being irrational, I feel my disdain for it bubbling to the surface but I try my best to hide it. A man, especially should not have such a lack of control. It takes a lot of strength to have full control of your faculties. I suppose this is why I seem a little cold and unaffected to some people.