Another one bites the dust

So one of my close girlfriends got married this friday after a 2 year long distance relationship with her American navy boyfriend. It's not an exaggeration to say this one is for the books. The hours and miles logged on the plane to see each other was not the easiest and makes you think of the complete faith these two had on the relationship. It does not only take effort and time but monetary investment as well. Vanessa is lucky to have the means to do this, but this of course is probably the most inconsequential of all the elements that had to come together to make the relationship work. It was a product of faith. Faith in love, in the heavens, the universe and faith in fate itself. It was not by random accident that these two met in the manner they did and at that point in their lives. In my spiritual study of both kabbalah and the principles of brahma kumaris, we learn that karma is at work in everything we do, and that our actions produce the situations we find ourselves in. During the pronouncement of vows, Vanessa said that two years ago she must have done something right because God gave her Jim. Of course this is all karma. All their acts, thoughts and wants led them to that moment when they were both ready to commit.

Theirs is a story that while seemingly one of a kind, should be looked at as quite simple in fact. Here are two people who believed in finding "the one" and never lost faith in that. These days, people are tired and just want security in their lives. There is no grand search for the other half of your soul because of fear. There is fear of growing old alone, of missing "the boat". I have been single for many years, but it is a completely different kind of fear from the latter, it is a fear of making a horrible mistake and being compelled to live with it. I fear more sleep walking through my life than the insecurity of not having anyone at all. Regardless of my reasons, there is still fear at the root of it all and I have been unable to open myself up to possibilities and expose myself to the vulnerability of feeling anything for anyone.

And so, it has been years since I allowed myself to feel. Most of the time, I operate on a flat line, meaning there is very little that makes me feel alive. Fear has put me in such a place. Being at that wedding at that time was special because I was beginning to close myself off more and more. I saw such certainty between two people and so much faith in what they have. The 2 years before that moment where they took a chance and braved the miles separating them must have been exhilarating for its certainty and uncertainty. In the end, it was worth it. I suppose regardless if things end well or not, we must not lose our humanity and capacity to feel by building walls around our hearts. The possibility of something beautiful shared with another should be enough to take that risk. I will try to always remember this.